What am I duex

Never really been happy in my skin. Be it the nuns belittling ways or my parents lack of an active role in my life or what, real happiness is a fleeting thing to me at best. Never quite enough grok of the big picture I guess. Had some good runs but somehow it always crashes around my head. People seem to think they read an evil or hatefulness in me years after they have been safe and secure in my "care".  I function best in an atmosphere of  assisting others accomplish huge things. Multi million dollar construction projects, a Broadway show, I do my best work overseeing operations for large projects.  I pay attention to the little things I can do to make thing go smooth. But always the crash and burn in the end. I think I care to much and that makes it harder to take when people get human on you.